As young, professional women, the persona we present to the outside world tends to be a little different than that which we present to our dearest friends, behind closed doors. What might be considered fair grounds conversationally between best friends might not translate seamlessly to the kinds of topics you might discuss with a stranger you meet. Because you know, manners and societal standards, etc. Because of this, you better believe that when besties get together in private, they divulge.
When besties get together for private hang time, they share their every passing thought and encourage each other to be as uncouth and disgusting as possible. It’s sort of like a purging session that later allows us to behave in the presence of strangers. As long as we know we can go back and be nasty with our besties, we can be normal humans on the clock. If you’re being honest with yourself, men get a bad rep for being gross, but we’re probably grosser. These are probably a few of the yucky things you like to talk about with your bestie when no one else is in the room … These are probably also a few things that you hope no one ever knows about.
Despite the fact that we’ll cringe and pretend to be offended when people talk about it in public, we love talking about excrements of all kinds in private. We watch videos of cats pooping in toilets, we ask each other about our regularity, we send each other links to videos of jungle animals taking poops. We can’t speak highly enough about the subject. Unless of course you ask us about it in public.
Best friends like to tell each other about every possible symptom they develop. Abrasions, rashes, irritations, headaches, stomach aches and congestion. We think everything that happens to us is indicative of a disease and we sit around pooling our symptoms and Googling images of possibilities.
Dry shampoo, perfume bath, liberal amounts of Febreze spray — these are all real things that we do and talk about. Really, though, it’s more like bragging. We’re so impressed with how filthy we can be, we’re happy to show off to our bestie who will always be good for that high five we were looking for.
Between all the zombie and crime shows on TV, there’s always a disgusting murder scene to talk about. We don’t like to take fear on alone so we share it with each other, because it makes us feel better to know that someone else is having the same nightmare. Generous, right?
Whether it’s food with mold, food we dropped on the floor, a bug that flew in our mouth, a dog that shared our ice cream, we’re always eating something gross by accident and sharing with each other. The grosser it is, the happier we are to talk about it in private.
There are so many weird and gross things that can transpire in just one sexual encounter. And you better believe best friends are rehashing it over and over again. Nothing is sacred.
When besties get hungry, and food is far, they like to fantasize about what they want to eat. This in itself isn’t gross by any means, until you consider that a typical conversation might sound like this: “I’m so hungry, when we get to the restaurant I’m going to barge into the kitchen, and guzzle the fondue cheese straight from the pot and then chew my way through an eight foot baguette and roll around in BBQ sauce until it seeps through my pores.” Our munchie fantasies, like most of the disgusting things we talk about on the reg, are NOT for the feint of heart.